The Dominatrix in the Media

I can't be the only one who is noticing the proliferation of femdom ideals in the media.



All of these are in action movies. Could this be subliminal messages implanted in the minds of young boys to seek out such women as they grow older and are looking for a mate?


Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider and Carrie Ann Moss in the Matrix

Charlize Theron in Aeon Flux

Submissive Marriage

Since I was very young I've been fascinated with the concept of marriage. I was idealistic and liked the idea of belonging to one another for life, being closer to someone than anyone else every will. I imagined what it will be like when I marry and expected to be married sometime in my twenties, have a home, kids, the whole American package. As I grew older my views and tastes changed. I dated women, but did so just to amuse myself. Most of my earliest girlfriends were women substantially older than I and I believe they kept me around mainly because of my age.
As I've gotten older I've become more direct about dating. I don't date recreationally and I don't continue seeing someone if I don't think we're compatible. While it sounds like I'm an old fart and looking to settle down, I'm not. I just don't want to spend time dating someone that I know will eventually end.
Almost everything will end but I'd like to at least know that the effort I put into it isn't wasted because we're not really meant for each other. There's something about being with a woman and knowing you're really connected, not just physically but have an emotional connection that is real. I miss that.
Lately I've been reevaluating my life in light of my recent move and a lot of different things. I realized I probably will never marry but I like the idea of it. I'd still like to meet someone I can think of as my future wife but I have standards that are hard to attain.
I've also been in a lot of vanilla relationships though I've come to terms with my submission. If it's a part of you, no ignoring it will make it go away. It pops up when you don't expect it. So I've reconciled that I won't be serious about a woman if she isn't dominant in some way. Ideally, I'd like a disciplinary woman, one that believes men need punishment to stay in line and sees herself as the head of the relationship.
Sexually she is in charge and always initiates and directs sex. She has a strong appetite for sex and is fairly selfish about it. When we are together it is for her benefit while I am mostly a performer, someone who learns exactly what she likes and knows how to take orders. I don't cum each time but she keeps me in a constant state of arousal. Male orgasms are more of a reward, given to drive me deeper into service for her and which bring out an effusive gratitude to her, My Woman, for being so generous.
She enjoys dominant play in bed but it is not a constant because her dominance shows through in our everyday interactions; how she speaks to me, how she fucks me, even how we kiss.



For me marriage has now become more of an servant relationship for me. Lately I've gotten much better at serving, I'm used to getting up earlier to make breakfast, take care of the home, I give excellent massage and oral sex has become a daily thing in my recent relationships. I know if I were to ever marry, the ring would symbolize not just a bond, but ownership. I'm not rushing to marry but if I ever do, I know I would be hers forever.

Nude for a Woman

Earlier I made a post about CFNM. It's a fairly new term that's only been coined in the past few years though many men, myself included, can say they've been fans of male only nudity for some time. Your relationship changes drastically with a woman when she first sees you naked, especially when you have not seen her. A wise woman will keep her clothes on and not let you have a look at her naked body though she has seen all of you; your excited cock, your bare ass and the nervousness every man shows when he first drops his drawers for his woman. Because, even if you are proud of your endowment there's always that moment of uncertainty that she may not be as impressed by it as you are.



As a submissive I'm attracted to such moments. Baring it all, putting my masculinity up for her judgment has always been an intensely intimate moment for me. I remember as a child I would play with the older girls next door, often we'd be roughhousing, with the larger and stronger girls eventually overpowering me. Many times when I was in the position they'd use the opportunity to explore for themselves. It wasn't forced, they'd go slowly, always making certain I wasn't making a fuss. In a way I gave my approval. I knew I could have screamed, caused a mother to show up at the window and get the bigger girls off me but I laid back, feigning feeble protests.
My pants were taken down no farther than my knees but I may as well have been naked as a girl (or two or three) held me down to look at my development. I never enjoyed the situation as much as they did; I was too nervous, too scared, but I felt the stirrings of something I hadn't realized yet. I grew warm at the idea of being helpless and vulnerable. That carried on to define my sexuality as an adult.
Rumors of these incidents spread around the school yard until one or two girls questioned me on them. I wanted to deny them but with the girls present I couldn't. Though I protested I ended up dropping my pants on my own and showing the girls. All giggled, not for the sight of a naked boy, I think they enjoyed the spectacle. That a girl could have a boy voluntarily drop his pants in a secluded corner of the schoolyard taught them a little bit about the relationships women have with men.

Years later, as a young man, I posted an ad in a dating board. It was a lark, nothing I expected to be taken too seriously. I proposed that I meet a woman for a blind date and before we meet anywhere I take off all my clothes and allow her to get a good look at me to decide if she still wanted to spend an evening with me. I was putting myself on the line. How many women size a man up the moment they meet him? This would take it to an extreme.
I got a response from a woman years older than I. She was in her mid thirties; petite, short blonde hair, blue eyes and cute. I was skeptical at first but we decided on a time and place. She lived on the other end of the city, in a neighborhood I was unfamiliar with. By the time I got there it was late. She lived in a cozy townhouse near a large park. When she greeted me she seemed a bit nervous but very friendly. Offering me a drink she sat down and seemed to look me up and down.
I was nervous but I thought it best to begin. In the privacy of her bedroom she had me stand at the foot of her bed while she reclined against the pillows. Casually I disrobed; first my shirt, shoes and pants. I wore only a pair of boxer briefs and kept them on for a while, talking with her and gauging her interest. After a while she seemed anxious but uncertain how to tell me to continue. She would look at my crotch and then back to me until I slipped them down my legs and off.
It felt good, wonderful in fact, to be naked in front of a woman I'd just met. It was incredibly freeing and I remember standing proudly those first few seconds as I was naked. The situation excited me and I felt my cock swell the moment I took my underwear off.
I stood that way for some time and I could see her warm up to the idea. She seemed to relax and enjoy the dynamic of a younger man hard and naked before her. When I'd look away I'd notice her staring openly at my crotch. How strange, I thought, I'm naked in front of her, not hiding myself in any way yet she's still shy about looking at me. I sat on the foot of the bed, often looking away to give her ample time to look at me without worry.
Our conversation was close and friendly. We talked openly about personal things; girls I've dated, my masturbatory habits, how a man feels during sex...this all added to my already aroused state. When I made a joke she would laugh and pat my bare thigh, letting her hand linger on my body. I encouraged it with my body language. My primary concern was her comfort. I wanted her to be as relaxed as possible.
She wanted me to masturbate for her but I told her I wasn't comfortable with that. Through her coaxing I held my shaft as I did when I was alone and demonstrated my technique. It felt wonderful, and just what I needed, but I was hesitant to do anything further right then. With my hand on my shaft and the other cupping my balls she leaned forward to kiss me.
I have been kissed a lot in my life and had grown jaded with the all too familiar sensation of a woman's lips but this really woke me up. In moments I felt helpless. She lifted her shirt, then her bra. Her breasts were beautiful; not too large but not small. They seemed large for her frame. I began mouthing her nipples as she stroked the sensitive skin of my inner thighs.
Soon she was dressed in just her panties where she had me press my mouth against the fabric of her crotch.
I wanted more but I didn't want to have sex...I wanted to but my mind was against it. I just met this woman and this wasn't like me. Still, she was so beautiful...my body needed her.
She drew the line at her panties. She wouldn't say why but later, as I was leaving her home, I learned she was married.
Watching me eagerly pump myself her excitement got the better of her and she took her panties off on the condition that I wouldn't try anything more. Instead she squatted towards the headboard while I lay behind her. She had a beautiful ass; wide, round and soft. I couldn't help but kiss it. She pressed it into my face as I began licking, kissing and sucking. I dared to explore her crack to find her tiny hole. When I licked it she shrieked. I'm sure no one had ever done that to her before and, after the initial shock, cooled down and enjoyed the feeling.
Her initial shyness had gone and now she reached between her thighs to masturbate. Time seems to fly by at moments like that but I remember it took some time. It wasn't quick and fast like I usually feel when I'm enjoying myself, living out my fantasy of a woman objectifying me. I remember thinking how strange it was to be doing something so intimate, so submissive to a woman I just met. At moments like that your conscious mind sometimes interrupts and reminds you of how you'd feel if you weren't so aroused. Would I be ashamed of licking the ass of a woman I didn't know? Would I regret it?

I didn't let up. I was entranced by the idea of being lips deep in this woman's ass and knew it was a wonderful, defining moment for me and in my development as a submissive.

Female Led Job #3

I was working as a web site contractor. At the time I was concentrating on graphics and I was hired by another real estate company, this one works more with office buildings. I was to design their maps and presentations for clients interested in investing in their buildings. Many of the top execs at this company were very wealthy millionaires. Most people that worked there lived pretty comfortably. It was one of the most professional places I'd ever worked.

One of my immediate bosses was a woman that was known as one of the best with clients. She racked up several multi million dollar deals and made more for the company than most will ever see in a lifetime. She was very professional and had little tolerance for bad performance. I tried to stay out of her way as much as I could, not because I didn't think I'd measure up, but I'd rather not face her on a bad day. I walked carefully around her.

That was difficult to do because we worked closely together almost every day. I designed much of the plans she intended to show to clients. Though I had the experience and the resume to show for it, she'd talk to me as if I was a child. She didn't question what I knew but spoke to me as if I was bound to make some trivial mistake.

When I presented my work to her she'd look it over and always praise me when she found it up to her standard. I must have beamed from ear to ear whenever she did, which she most likely saw. Perhaps that's why it continued.

She was older, at least in her fifties but she was very fit. I could easily see her as the authority in her house, while her meek husband cowered. One evening, as everyone was closing up I stood in the doorway waiting for her to get off the phone so I could present her with my day's work (the best time of the day for me) and she was on the phone with her husband. She was directing him on how to prepare her dinner. He must have asked too many questions because she grew more and more agitated. Finally, she spat into the phone, "I don't know why I trust you to do anything, you're always screwing it up!" All the while she knew I was listening.

The conversation ended soon after that and she smiled at me, as if scoring a victory. I could tell she was upset so I dropped the work on her desk and made my way out of her office as best I could. She seemed pleased at this and just watched, smiling as I did.

That was the last real encounter I had with her. Soon after that I finished the project and left the company. By that time I was sick of the city and had planned to move. A month later I packed everything I owned and moved to Chicago. I still imagine her every now and then and wonder what her sex life with her husband, whom she berated so openly, was like.

CFNM

As men we have built up a carefully crafted facade to show to the world around us. Even the most submissive men may appear strong and masculine on the outside, carrying on this disguise while we go about meeting women in the world. We all know that with the right words or the right look men could easily crumble before a woman that knows her place.


When a man first gets naked in front of a woman it can be an unsettling experience. There is nothing you can hide from her. She examines you freely, sizing up your cock, your balls, your build, admiring your ass...you feel like livestock on display.

CFNM, an abbreviation for Clothed Male Nude Female, is a new form of power exchange where the women intentionally keep their man naked to shame them, to punish them or to keep them submissive. In this power play the men are objectified and looked at as no more than pieces of meat or toys for the women's enjoyment. When naked the men are often shy and nervous, a contrast to their macho persona. This makes it all the sweeter for women who are truly unveiling the man, not just physically but emotionally as well.

He realizes what women must feel like, how they are too often treated as nothing more than sex object and he once more he realizes a woman's inherent power. With a cross look or a firm slap across he face he shrivels. A dominant woman realizes that some time naked in front of her keeps him in his place, while she gets to enjoy the beauty of her male specimen in all his glory.

Ann Magnuson

Every man has a personal list of the women he considers the most beautiful. These women fill various roles in his fantasies; cheerleaders, nurses, teachers, whores or whichever direction his tastes run. Usually the lists are populated by whoever seems to be the top models and actresses of that time- Eva Longoria, Keyra Agostina, Pam Anderson and the like. While I appreciate the beauty of those women (except Pam- boring), the women on my list were stronger, more dominant women.

One of those is Ann Magnuson. My love for her began when I was a preteen and saw the movie A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon. It was a story about a young Casanova and his exploits during the fifties, as well as his tenuous relationship with his father. The starring role went to River Phoenix, who more than fit it and opposite him, along with a pre-Friends Matthew Perry, were three beautiful women; Ione Skye, Meredith Salenger and Ann Magnuson. At one time all three women were in my fantasy rolodex though I spent the most time with Ann. She played the recent divorcee and friend of his mom who takes him home and seduces him. I would compare him to Benjamin Braddock though Reardon seems much more comfortable in his role as the temporary boytoy for a beautiful older woman. When the sound of her stockinged legs rubbing together captured the boy's attention, I was hooked. This was the type of woman I've always imagined in my dreams.



This is what every young man dreams about and needs; a confident older woman that takes an untrained boy and teaches him about women. I was lucky enough to have a similar experience many years later but at first it was just a fantasy.

She was perfect for her role, a slyly beautiful woman, highly sexual and passionate. As the older, eager lover she created an image that I'll never forget. The sight of her bare back, slowly dropping the towel to join her friend's son in the shower stirred my then latent submissive yearnings.


Ann with David Bowie in The Hunger

Ann Magnuson came from the Manhattan art scene of the eighties. She was a performance artist and developed a career based on small cameos in movies such as Desperately Seeking Susan before earning top billing. She became known for her stylish wear and often dressed like starlets or pin up girls. When photographed she was often the seductive, powerful woman or the cute nymphet.



She formed a band, Bongwater, whose biggest hit, The Power of Pussy, was filled with sexual entendres amidst carefully crafted psychedlia. Her image was that of the sexually aware, potent, powerful woman, one who set the pattern for much femdom imagery today.

Male subs: Just Another Role?

I've always felt separate from the male subs you see that always "Yes, Mistress" themselves to death. Maybe they read a book somewhere or watch too many movies and think they should act more like a scared boot camp recruit than a man devoted to his woman? When I imagine a dominant woman I think of a woman seducing a man with her natural femininity, she doesn't have to dress up in leather and chains like she's going to a Halloween party.

The woman that works, expects her man to wait on her, spanks and puts him to bed when he acts up is a dominant woman in every sense of the word. She doesn't need some false image to hide behind and she doesn't want a mindless robot to kneel at every opportunity.

Whenever I read stories of men immediately falling to the ground to worship a woman it puzzles me. A man should adore a woman because of who she is, not because his sexual urges direct him to. When I've submitted it's because I've admired the woman; her intelligence, passion, kindness and strength always brought out my submission. It's not something I can do on the first date but a steady process that needs time to grow. I have to feel connected to her. I have to know she can care for and look after me. We have to share something together and allow love to at least begin before I can bare myself for her.

Surrendering immediately always seems so manufactured. I suppose that's the difference between real life and play.

Going Down

Cunnilingus is the perfect sexual act for all it conveys. It gives pleasure to the woman while the man receives none. It exalts her to a place where she is adored. She allows herself complete unselfish attention while the man takes what is considered a subordinate position.

In my more vanilla relationships it has given me a chance to fulfill my submissive yearnings. It gives me the opportunity to submit for a woman's pleasure even when my partner isn't aware. What man, even macho stereotypes, don't feel pangs of submission when they lick and adore a woman's genitals? For this reason I've taken care to study it, to know exactly how to approach a woman, what she enjoys and how. When dating a woman it's a constant- even if we are too tired for sex, I find time to go down on her. It's a reaffirmation of my love for her and allows her the chance to enjoy and take her time for herself. When I am laying between her legs it is all about her; nothing else exists to me in that moment. I have even gone into hazes where she becomes my world. I get drunk on her scent, her wetness and her taste. When the emotions are there it is intoxicating.

Even the most demure woman begins to open up and become vocal when a man properly attends to them. As a child a woman once told me (a babysitter, if you can imagine) that if you know how to lick a woman properly than she'll never forget you. I didn't know what she meant then but realize the truth of it now. You could be a bad lover, inconsiderate or neglect her but if you know how to properly go down on a woman she'll be calling you in the middle of the night, popping up in your life after being away for years and wondering about you when you're gone.

I once read a study that said female hormones in women's vaginal juices calm men and puts them at peace. At the time I thought it was a pointless study, who didn't know such a thing? But then I realized it needed to be said officially. Men that regularly lick their woman's pussy seem happier, more confident and content. This could be that their woman is happier and more satisfied with him than most or it could be the very powerful act of laying beneath a woman and tonguing her pussy to orgasm makes him so. Giving a woman an orgasm in this manner is one of the greatest accomplishments a man can have. Greater than the feel of his own climax, it gives him a sense of pride, knowing that he fulfilled his duty as a man.

That's what it is- a duty. It should never be withheld or used as leverage. Just as kissing and affection should be rampant between a loving couple, even in the most vanilla relationships a man should readily service a woman as she likes. Whether it helps her relax after coming home after a long day of work, to cool down after a run or a pleasant way to wake up, a woman should take advantage of her birthright and train her man to give her head without hesitation.

I added some links to help men that may be having some difficulty with their technique. Do yourself a favor and use it tonight. Make your woman happy. That's what's important, isn't it?

Why I Submit

I believe both men and women have their own talents though women carry all the strength and power in relationships. The balance lives and dies on a woman's whim. If a woman is happy and at peace then the relationship fluorishes, if she is dissatisfies it withers. When a man is allowed to control it more often than not it becomes a selfish, one sided affair where the man does as he pleases while the woman grows more and more distant. We've seen this in the majority of marriages; women grow upset at the obstinant nature of their husbands and the lack of affection from both parties. Men turn to more primal urges; masturbation, laziness, overeating and the woman feels isolated. Neither party has direction and both feel ostracized from their partner. When the inevitable split happens both are devastated and uncertain where it went wrong.

When a woman steps up and takes her place at the head as is her right then everything seems to come together and work. The man realizes his place and, while he may fight against it for a period, it's in our nature to eventually defer to it. It is a constant struggle with our primal natures against the loving direction of the woman. Man wants to rebel, to give in to his instincts, though he knows to submit to his better half is the best idea.

A good woman knows how to handle such a battle. She wields her power over him thoughtfully, rewarding when necessary, leading him further, teasing and denying. All have their place in a femdom relationship and the woman that knows how to use them knows how important they are.



There is a period where the man struggles. Discipline is not enjoyable. Orgasm denial is not enjoyable, nor is humiliation or any other punishment but they are necessary. A strong woman sees the pain her man is in and bares it with him. Both suffer when one fails but pain is an important tool and makes him into the man he needs to be. He wants to live for her benefit, to lives for her pleasure. Every man wants to be the ideal partner for his woman because only through her satisfaction is a man ever truly happy.

Female Led Job #2

Soon after I found a position in my field at a smaller company. It was one of those places where everyone knows everyone else and spends the beginning of each morning talking about what happened the night before. Some days these chats would last past lunch. As I said, it was close.

It was a much more positive environment than the previous position. The office was smaller as well, and people would yell across the room to talk to one another. Besides one gay man I was the only male in the office and sometimes I think they forgot I was there. One time a detailed conversation about which underwear everyone wore took place all around. They'd talk about boyfriends and their personal lives, sometimes pretty graphically. The smart man knows when to shut his mouth, keep his presence minimal and just listen.

I worked for a beautiful woman just a couple of years out of college. In that short time she established herself pretty well in the company and directed much of the work in the office. She was tall, with a slender frame, bobbed blonde hair and glasses. She was cultured, with an interest in French culture and spoke it fluently. We worked closely together and became good acquaintances but never went beyond that. I knew she had a boyfriend and, though I'm sure she had most of the say in their relationship (what man her age would be her match?) she was not dominant. We didn't talk to much about our personal lives, she was all business.
Another woman older than her yet a couple years younger than me looked a lot like a woman on one of the spanking sites. For some time she filled that role, paddling me, bending me over the bed to make me feel the crack of the belt on my bare ass. Often I'd come home from working with these women and masturbate furiously.


photo courtesy of Women Spanking Men

Strangest thing is, though I was working side by side with all these younger women, my boss (Mrs. F)was an older woman, most like in her fifties. She was kind and considerate and often we'd share a joke together. I was working a contract position and though my job was done they preferred to keep me around for no good reason. One reason for this, I believe, is I amused her. The younger women were friendly though I never got as close to them as the other women in the office. Perhaps they all saw me as Mrs. F's toy? Some days I would do nothing but amuse Mrs. F during her lunch period. We'd talk about our shared roots and tell stories about the industry.

A wonderful job (though not challenging) it paid well and I really enjoyed the people. Some time later I was offered a better position at a more prestigious company with better pay that would look good on my resume and I took it.

Female Led Job #1

All of the features that someone looks for in a mate are predetermined. True, a lot has to do with nurture, that expounds on what he/she is looking for and helps them recognize what they want but I believe what we're looking for is imprinted on us at a very young age.

I'm attracted to athletic women, not those that are believed to be the height of beauty. My ideal woman is not bone thin and can't wrap her whole hand around her forearm. I prefer women that are strong and fairly muscular, as I am.
Similarily, I like a woman that's in control of herself and her life. She has no confidence problems and knows she is the only person that directs her life. She takes responsibility for her own actions and the life she lives is what she has made.

In my life I've worked in three very gynocentric positions. I did not seek this out, it just happened to be a coincidence that me, a submissive man that adores powerful, in charge women, just happened to find himself in what seems to be his dream job on three different occasions.

In the first I was interviewed by a beautiful woman a few years my junior. She was very professional and, I could tell, nervous about her position. I later learned she had too much work and wasn't able to handle the position. I was hired and worked beneath her but as time went by I, along with the other man I worked with, began picking up much of her work as well as correcting her mistakes. Still, like most naive men, I fantasized about my boss and what would take place behind closed doors.

The office was 85% women and they colored everything that happened in the company. There were tea socials, flower arranging seminars and women only business meetings. None of the other men seemed to notice or, if they did, they didn't complain. I other women ran the company and did more than their share of work. This is a major company with billions in revenue each year. It is run by and founded by a man though our office was controlled by one woman.

In several instances we were talked down to and treated as if we didn't know what we were doing while, most of the time, we kept everything running smoothly and kept our mouths shut. That's how it was for all the men there; no one said anything and women had the run of the office, often taking advantage of the ratio by taking long lunches and allowing others to pick up the work they should be doing.

Ultimately I left the job when it began to affect my career. It wasn't in my field and I was being paid much below what I was earning though, in a way, that appealed to me as a submissive man. I rarely allow my submissive feelings to come into my professional life but the fact that I worked for several women in that office that were less experienced than and earned more than I really appealed to me.

Dating Dominants Vol. 1

A few months ago I was in a very bad state. My engagement had just ended and I was coming off a month of non dating to recover. I had moved to a new state and felt crushed by a lot of things. I knew no one and had to rebuild my life with very little way to begin. I had taken a lot of steps to improve my life and some had backfired. Still, I felt I was on the right path and was glad I took action.

I resolved to only get involved with female led relationships from then on in. For years I knew I was submissive and spent enough time in introspection that I knew what I needed in a partner but I was dating vanilla or even submissive women and felt like I was cheating myself. I knew it would be difficult but from then on I decided that it had to be done. It would be more difficult but I consider myself a quality man and a worthy sub and I hoped to attract the right woman.

I met a woman named C. She was nine years younger than me though seemed very much put together. I try to avoid dating women much younger than me and stick to the seven year rule I made of having a seven year range above and below my own age as best but she was much more mature and intelligent than most women. We shared interests, had a similar sense of humor and I liked her style. She wore jeans and converse, which I thought were perfect.
On our first date she told me she was a prodomme. She knew of my nature and I told her my feelings on professionals- that I thought it too personal to share with a stranger. We didn't spend too much time on D/s but rather talked as couples usually do on the first date. We got along very well and time went by quickly. She spent more time with me than she planned but we both enjoyed the evening. That weekend we saw each other again.

We became more personal on our second meeting. Being a believer in blurred gender roles, she took me out and bought me dinner, treating me as men usually treat women. Though I was larger and stronger, I was meeker and softer than she was. She led me by the hand and spoke to the waitress when something wasn't right. I loved the feeling of being doted on.

That night we discussed a lot. She was a gender studies major in college, had modeled and had even been in porn briefly. Now she preferred to be behind the camera and was a photographer. She was at the failing end of a relationship that meant a lot to her so she stressed we would be non physical for some time. I was the person she came to to get away from it all, someone to listen, someone to comfort her. At the end of the night I found myself kissing and sucking her feet, something I enjoy for the submissive connotations. I'm not a foot fetishist but the act of adoring a woman's foot seems so...servile and loving... that it appealed to me.



On our third date we went out again. Once again she paid, another sign that she was in charge. Obediently I kept my mouth shut and blushed whenever she made an act of her superiority in public. We lamented our situations; her with her boyfriend, me with my job, my life and my now ex fiance. I was close to tears and she knew it. We had already established a rapport where I was not expected to be the stoic, unfeeling characters men are expected to be. She really reached a part of me that needed attention. For some time I felt hurt and vulnerable and her presence really drew it out of me. More than a few times since I've sobbed and felt much better in her arms. That night she soothed me and said she wanted to tuck me in. I brought her into my bedroom where she helped me undress. I stood naked before her, open and swelling before her eyes. She looked me up and down and gently took my hand to lead me into bed. Then, lovingly, she tucked me in, said some warm words, kissed me and made her way out. It was just what I needed.

Since then we've grown pretty close. As we started spending all of our time together after her boyfriend moved out she confessed that she wasn't looking for a relationship though she enjoyed being with me. She preferred to have a number of men to go to for sex.

We became very sexual and found each other to be almost perfect sexual partners. She's forceful and commanding, pushing me when I need to be pushed. In the bedroom she is the queen that takes any role she likes. I offer her comfort, affection and take her direction as she gives it. Our sex life consisted of a lot of oral. She was vigorous in taking the lead in that. Daily she'd queen me, cutting off my breath and berating me then turning soft and serene as her orgasm passed through her. To feel a woman squatting above you, her juices flowing from her sex to drench my face is spiritual. I felt owned, I felt like hers, regardless of how many other men she saw.

She confessed that I was her first choice and she only sees the others when I'm not around but I was still hurt that I wasn't her only one. I am looking for a monogamous relationship and the feelings I had for her wouldn't be returned. She is beautiful, intelligent, dominant and kind but I knew it would go no further.

On Your Feet or On Your Knees

I have tried my hand at being a male dom, I'm pretty good at it too. I suppose I could be labelled a switch because I do enjoy taking the lead and controlling a woman but my heart, my true feelings are definitely submissive.
As a dom I'm very caring, doting and punish not for the sake of it, but to better her as a woman. I punish because she's let me down or not lived up to her potential. It's unnecessary to make up infractions just to punish. While I realize there is a great amount of pleasure in it, it's main purpose is to guide and teach and I emphasize that as a dom. Rarely do I "scene" or punish for no reason. Each act has an underlying message; either to teach her how to please me or be a better woman, to strengthen her orgasm, deepen her submissive feelings or to share a special intimacy her and I share. I understand the need for play, and enjoy it very much, but even when deep into frivilous play I always feel there is something deeper. It touches her deeply, emotionally and intimately as a woman. She may be afraid of this side of herself or be unaware of what is inside her and I'm allowing- encouraging- her to feel it. I want her to be vulnerable, be open, feel and perhaps even hurt. She learns how to be tactile and open to every sensation- touching, tasting, hearing, feeling, smelling. Too many people remain on level one of their sexual awareness, hurtling towards orgasm as the destination, never realizing there is much more. They miss the many things in between and never exercise their sexual potential.
I want her submission to be a starting point for her feelings for me. By submitting she will desire then crave, and eventually~ hopefully~ love me.
I have tried to refrain from getting too involved with those that look at it as merely a new flavor, something to put on and try before going back to the pattern of sex they are used too. I'm all for vanilla sex, it has it's place, but submission and domination and deep in the layers of my skin, in the breath and in my blood. It's a part of me as much as the color of my hair and it's not just a different flavor for me. It is at the heart of my relationships.
I don't think of it as a physical act though there is that side to it. When deep in a scene- whether submitting or dominating- it can be spiritual, the way making love should be. I believe it should be emotional- it's an intimate bound that makes you suffer when she's away or yearn when she's not there.
As a dom I think of myself as a guardian. Even if the sub is a strong woman and accomplished much, I pamper her and look after her as one would a pet or a young child. I lead her with strength and authority, tempered by kindness. I nurture her submissive nature and shower her with attention which is why I punish as I do. When a girl disappoints me when I have given her every opportunity to excel and please me, it is my duty to guide and direct her. I correct her and teach her why she let me down, while making sure she will do better next time. That is the essence of domination- guidance and discipline.

Some may call me a switch and in some ways I suppose I am, I still have fantasies of dominating a woman and thoroughly enjoy it when I meet a true submissive woman and I have the honor of guiding her but I know this side of me stems from my submissive nature. I really am giving in to the woman's desires by allowing her to be submissive. I let her enjoy herself and give her reign to be controlled. It is a masquerade in some ways. While I could never submit to some women because they seem to submissive to me, if given the choice I would much rather be on my knees than on my feet.

Submission and Dating

I'm currently thinking of a new title for this blog. I don't particularly like the one I chose, it's too impersonal. You would be surprised what has been taken.

I've always understood this side of myself. I have always been very self aware and zeroed in on exactly what enticed me. I wasn't afraid of it, rather the more I learned the more I wanted to learn.

I found out I am drawn more to the disciplinary aspect of submission. I enjoy bondage but it pales when compared to how I feel about spanking and correction. I know it is tied into my childhood (I may get to that later) and much of my fantasies pertain to being a youth. Authority figures excite me- the stereotypical governesses, teachers, nurses, what have you.

At first I didn't pursue this though I always ended up dating women that were, in some ways, "above" me. They were older, more educated, more established, sometimes they were mothers or divorcees. I don't often have trouble getting dates. I've been told I'm attractive and the reactions I provoke attest to that. I look younger than I am and still can be naive and shy at times. I think it draws women that look for the "boyish" type of men. They are maternal, protective and usually authoritative, at least to a point.

Subconsciously, I suspect, I sought out that type of woman. I've never been one for the empty headed, fashion obsessed, heavily made up women that seemed to proliferate in college but went towards the studious, serious, more mature women.

Since that time I've put a lot of thought into dating. As everyone does when they are young, I dated recreationally, looking for no more than a good partner. I'm in my early thirties now and though I don't feel old, I still like the idea of having one true, devoted woman you can come to and support always. It's very difficult in this society of instant gratification and too much selfishness. I'm too idealistic and romantic, which can be a problem. I don't get involved too easily though when I do, it's for certain. Trying to reconcile my dating prospects with my submissive urges has been interesting.

I picture the woman I'm looking for- a devoted, loving wife, passionate, intelligent and caring but also somewhat maternal. She believes in female superiority, at least in play, and is not hesitant about corporal punishment. She understands men need guidance and some work to be the man the woman wants them to be and accepts her role as his nurturer and guardian.

I agree, it's somewhat selfish but I'm still working on it. For now that's my ideal picture.

In the Beginning...

I'm writing this to chronicle how I got here and why I feel the way I do.

To put it bluntly, I am submissive but I don't think that word covers it as I would like. I don't like the ritual that seems to be connected to it. Leather does very little for me and I don't like the unwritten rules that you have to refer to someone as Mistress or some other such name. I think that is too showy and impersonal. I think this is a deep, intensely personal thing and such things are accoutrements. So are riding crops, racks, etc. All items that add to the dispassionate nature so many involved in this seem to thrive in.
I am submissive but that's too broad a term for what I feel. I don't feel lesser than anyone and am proud of who I am and what I've accomplished. I don't have an image problem and I don't feel there is anything wrong with how I feel. I'm not ashamed of it, though I have had difficulty bringing it into my personal life at times.

Going way back I remember I had many feelings and thoughts that, as I grew older, I realized were submissive. I had dreams as a young child that were definitely submissive. Not so much sexual but definitely submissive.
As I got older my fantasies became much more specified. I was more passive in them while women were the aggressors. All my fantasies had sex happen to me, rather than the typical cheerleader after school fantasies so many teen boys have. I was tied down or molested while sleeping. My lovers were older, experienced women while I was virginal and naive (which I was). I had visions of being spanked, being tied down mixed with the typical celebrity fantasies.

I was a late bloomer sexually because I went to an all boy's school much of the time and was shy around girls. When I started dating seriously everyone had more experience than me but I found myself dating older, even more experienced girls. I learned about sex from them but those I opened up to about my early sexual fantasies only took light interest in them; play spankings, or laughed commands to do things I would have done anyway. I was happy, I was learning.

I've grown as have my tastes and they've become more specified. I am an idealistic romantic and believe in monogamy so my tastes have leaned toward more of an emotional bond than a physical one. I am drawn to the picture of an authoritative wife and mother; a mater, a strong, direct mother. Sometimes she is forceful and punishing, other times subtle and teasing but always loving and tender. I don't think a dominant woman should be mean, hurtful or cruel. Rather I believe she should temper her position with nurturing.

I have recently moved to Chicago and have found this city to be more open to the idea of a man being the beta than most places I've lived. I'm a relatively attractive guy and the shyness I felt as a teen is mostly gone so I don't have that much of a problem meeting women. I date fairly frequently though I've yet to find the one woman I can devote myself too and completely submit to. That is the purpose of this site- to tell my story as it happens and I look for such a woman while detailing who I am and what I'm looking for, hopefully teaching me something about myself.