Masturbation as Submission

Like all men masturbation has always been a secret part of my sex life. Even what dating and very sexual with a woman I found time where I could be alone with myself and give myself the pleasure that only a man knows about. Though my frequency has varied throughout the years (I remember one particularly rampant stretch in eighth grade), I've always enjoy the ritual and found it to be fulfilling to some extent. With it, however, came a sense of shame. I knew what I was doing was wrong, other kids at school made fun of kids that did (though the all did it themselves) and I was taught that anyone, man or boy, that needs to is pathetic because he should be able to find a woman to take care of it for him.
As I grew older it took on a different tone. I was having sex and dating women yet my masturbation still persisted. I'd hide it from my girlfriends, even making coarse jokes about it. When they would bring it up or show interest in it I'd act shocked and shy. For some reason I couldn't share it. It's too personal, too intimate, too embarrassing.
Now I want to share it and I'm very open about the act. I hint at it when I begin dating a woman and if she talks about it I'm honest and detail the act; the whys, hows and what fors. I've learned that I'm a chronic masturbator as the pleasure I get from it often exceeds the pleasure I get from a woman.
Rather, they are different. I get emotionally and mentally fulfilled from being with a woman while I get physically fulfilled on my own. The fact that sex is less satisfying with a woman than with myself only adds to my submission. I look at sex more as a test and a duty than anything. I am there for her, to please her and I work at it. Often I do well and I feel good but always my physical climax is sacrificied for her pleasure. There have been times I have gone deep into subspace during vanilla sex when I knew I would not come and she would. It brings a wave of submissive feelings that overpower any physical need I have.
I have grown to feel very submissive about masturbating. I know I could find a partner but the fact that I do it behind their backs and hide it makes me feel childish and submissive. I feel weak and unmanly when I relieve myself this way so on a suggestion of a friend, I have been trying to hold off to have a stronger chi. As men grow older, she told me, they lose more and more of their power with each orgasm. Men my age (33) shouldn't orgasm as often as I do. It's selfish and wasteful. It is recommended I only climax around once a week.
This is a big jump from my normal, three times a day, whenever I like habit. As I said, I'm a chronic masturbator. I've done what I could to not let it effect my relationships but, unfortunately, there have been times it's been noticeable.
So, as of now, I am holding off. I typically come once or twice a week though it has been more in the past. I'm a better lover and I feel happier. My chi is stronger, I can feel it and I feel more masculine, more powerful. On top of it all, I feel much more submissive and it's showing in my actions with women.

but damn, what I wouldn't do to have a good come...