Submissive Marriage

Since I was very young I've been fascinated with the concept of marriage. I was idealistic and liked the idea of belonging to one another for life, being closer to someone than anyone else every will. I imagined what it will be like when I marry and expected to be married sometime in my twenties, have a home, kids, the whole American package. As I grew older my views and tastes changed. I dated women, but did so just to amuse myself. Most of my earliest girlfriends were women substantially older than I and I believe they kept me around mainly because of my age.
As I've gotten older I've become more direct about dating. I don't date recreationally and I don't continue seeing someone if I don't think we're compatible. While it sounds like I'm an old fart and looking to settle down, I'm not. I just don't want to spend time dating someone that I know will eventually end.
Almost everything will end but I'd like to at least know that the effort I put into it isn't wasted because we're not really meant for each other. There's something about being with a woman and knowing you're really connected, not just physically but have an emotional connection that is real. I miss that.
Lately I've been reevaluating my life in light of my recent move and a lot of different things. I realized I probably will never marry but I like the idea of it. I'd still like to meet someone I can think of as my future wife but I have standards that are hard to attain.
I've also been in a lot of vanilla relationships though I've come to terms with my submission. If it's a part of you, no ignoring it will make it go away. It pops up when you don't expect it. So I've reconciled that I won't be serious about a woman if she isn't dominant in some way. Ideally, I'd like a disciplinary woman, one that believes men need punishment to stay in line and sees herself as the head of the relationship.
Sexually she is in charge and always initiates and directs sex. She has a strong appetite for sex and is fairly selfish about it. When we are together it is for her benefit while I am mostly a performer, someone who learns exactly what she likes and knows how to take orders. I don't cum each time but she keeps me in a constant state of arousal. Male orgasms are more of a reward, given to drive me deeper into service for her and which bring out an effusive gratitude to her, My Woman, for being so generous.
She enjoys dominant play in bed but it is not a constant because her dominance shows through in our everyday interactions; how she speaks to me, how she fucks me, even how we kiss.



For me marriage has now become more of an servant relationship for me. Lately I've gotten much better at serving, I'm used to getting up earlier to make breakfast, take care of the home, I give excellent massage and oral sex has become a daily thing in my recent relationships. I know if I were to ever marry, the ring would symbolize not just a bond, but ownership. I'm not rushing to marry but if I ever do, I know I would be hers forever.