Musings on Nudity

I am impossibly hard. Though I came just two nights ago now I feel lust that usually doesn't arrive so soon after an orgasm. In fact, the past two weeks my recuperation time has shorten to mere hours. This is strange considering that the weather is colder. I read somewhere that each gender has different needs at different seasons. Men peak in the Summer while women peak in the Spring. Both slow down during the colder winter and fall months yet I've always found myself more attentive as the weather gets bleaker. Perhaps it's because I'm more prone to staying inside and hibernating.

Though I have edged close to orgasm several times, I will not come. In the past I have promised the same and didn't have the self control to follow through on the promise. I'd explode slowly as my muscles clenched to retain the flow and it dribbled out, slow and thick, from the tip of my cockhead.

Now I know enough to contain it. The weekend is coming up and I have a date. Most likely I will be used or, at the very least, inspected and I want to be in top form. I have a prediliction towards objectification and this woman unknowingly has the same. In her eyes men are good to look at and fun to play with so I plan to be on my best behavior with her.

Still, there's something lewd about going through the day in differing stages of arousal. Now, alone in my room, I lay naked and my cock juts obscene and demanding. I often wonder how women could be attracted to such an image; the nude man half in ecstasy and his cock sprouting from his midsection like some strange attachment, bobbing and leaping of its own volition. Surely women must find some humor in this idea- even the most attractive naked man can seem a bit humorous when at his most needy.

A Sex Object

I'm not someone that enjoys one night stands. On the off chance that I have been involved in one it's usually due to her preferences rather than mine. Often what I expect would be nothing more than a one nighter turned into a longer, more fruitful relationship.

That's what I expected that night. I had been invited to her party by her good friend, who is a friend of mine. I didn't know her but mainly went to see my friend. It turned out to be a fantastic party and I got along very well with the birthday girl. So well, in fact, that she took me to her bed at the end of the night. I was a bit nervous because I didn't want to lead her on and wasn't sure it was the right decision but afterwards I realized I had little say in the matter at all.

She undressed me and seemed to take great pleasure in doing so. When I was naked she brazenly examined me and though we did not have sex that night she took advantage of the man in her bed. I enjoyed her as well, though I could not deny the undercurrent of domination between us. She directed me and made no disguise of her appraisal of my nudity. The fact that she was so forthright with her desires excited me terribly.

The next morning we talked casually as two old friends would. We had a lot in common and I grew disappointed knowing I probably wouldn't see her again. There have been numerous times when women have had their fun and left me with only memories. I thought this would be one of those so I was suprised to get a phone call from her the next day. We meet soon after and that time we did have sex, on her terms, of course.

Before then, however, she told me all about her friends' reactions to what she told them about me. I'm in good shape and, though I'm well endowed, I never thought myself that larger than most men. She related how happy she was when she saw my size and how proud all her friends were when they heard. She was very pleased with my body and she constantly commented on it until I felt like I was on display. I began to think this is what it must feel like for a woman. Men, driven by their urges, constantly leer at and judge women on their looks and bodies. This is a woman who was driven by the same impulses.

When we were together she wanted me to be naked and I took a special delight in telling her when I was aroused when I was clothed. She had a cock fetish and constantly brought up my size, even asking me to wear shorts of her choosing so her friends could see when we attended a barbecue together.

I felt like a sex object and lived up to it. I made myself available to her whenever and however she liked and sent photos to her phone when I wasn't around. I became her slut and open to any of her fantasies or experiments. All her friends knew of our relationship and, I'm sure, knew of all of my most private secrets.

With society becoming more and more comfortable with womens' sexuality, women are becoming more and more honest about their wants. I can't think of a downside to this, as a happy and fulfilled woman makes for a better relationship and a better world overall, but men must learn where they fit in. For too long women have been the main sex objects of the world but now men are being seen as nothing more than eye candy for women. Actors who have nothing more to offer than their looks and bodies are getting top billing and being paid millions while every man is expected to put more thought and care into his appearance. Women are congratulated for leaving men that have let themselves go and finding more attractive men they can enjoy.

As egotistical as it may sound, I find myself being looked at in such a way each time we are together. When out with her friends I'm sure she encourages them to look as she does. This is a role I, as well as every man, must get used to whether we prefer it or not.

Stealth Submission

A long pause between posts. That's due to many things, mainly work and life intervening. I find I must put my personal self on the backburner when life's responsibilities come to the fore. I suppose everyone does. Throughout it all, however, I continue to feel a constant pull towards submission. I'm not always able to dwell on it or feel it fully, though it pops up occasionally. Recently I've had more time to reflect and this is what I've found...

When involved with a woman I've always taken the submissive role without realizing it. This is appropriate because it fits my personality but I know now I've acted this way since I was very young and didn't date.

When involved with a woman I can't remember a time when I wasn't the first person stripped naked. There have even been occasions when I've been naked for a woman on our first date. It just seems natural that way. I'm more comfortable naked and it's a show of my submission when I am while she is not.

I cook a lot and often. Many, many times I cook for the woman so that now it's expected. While not necessarily a submissive thing, it can be seen as such. I enjoy cooking and do it a lot on my own but the feeling of having a woman wait on me while I work over the stove could be seen as a reversal to some. Often the woman volunteers to do the dishes and clean up as a way to equal things out, which I appreciate.

Most often, when we're physical, I pace myself to her needs. Many times I do not come. I enjoy it thoroughly, but I realize my place is in pleasing her and often my own orgasm is neglected in favor of her wants. Some women have realized my reticence in coming, others haven't. Or, at least, they didn't concern themselves enough to mention it.

I do a lot of things the woman would love that you hear about in all those relationship manuals- I give frequent massages, lots of kisses, caresses and tell her what she needs to hear. That's not always easy for me. In fact, it can be very difficult, but I know it makes her happy. I want her to be happy- that's the whole point.

I take this further and kiss and lick her feet, even sucking her toes. This is something I don't get aroused by since I'm not a foot fetishist but I've never met a woman that didn't enjoy her feet getting licked and sucked if done right. I've unknowingly turned many otherwise "vanilla" women into foot queens after they feel a warm tongue on the sole of their foot.

I've probably gone down on my woman more than any other man I can think of. It becomes so familiar that I learn every spot of her sex. I once watched Nina Hartley's tutorial on cunnilingus and she said it's a way of showing reverence and respect and I can't agree more. When I'm giving my lover such attention it's a form of worship. It clears my mind, calms me and makes me feel more complete as a man and a person. It's difficult to describe to someone that doesn't feel the same way but it's a biological and emotional need. I need to go down on her, I need that time to join with her in such a way, it keeps me balanced I'm ground. In fact, I remember once reading a scientific study that said men that practice oral sex on their wife are less stressed than those that refuse.

There are times when I have caught up in such worship and, while my lover enjoys the attention, I have passed my tongue over her anus. This is something it took me a long time to accept. Even when I first realized my submissive nature, I still thought such an act was incredibly degrading and only after a period of training and breakdown did I finally accept it as a form of affection and deference. I still have difficulty with it at times but, caught up in the moment of submission, it seems appropriate and, as expected, every woman enjoys the unique attention.

There are all things I've done without realizing it. They became second nature to me and whether the relationship veered in the direction of female domination or not, they are wonderful ways to show the woman your feelings without pressuring her to take on a role she may not be comfortable with. Men that feel such feelings and are afraid to show them either to themselves or their woman, may feel more comfortable following such an example and practice a form of stealth submission that all women enjoy.

Misguided

I've noticed there are two types of people that involve themselves in D/s. One group tends to follow a rigid set of rules and guidelines on how a dominant or submissive can do, how they act, what they should be called and how they talk. They fit into very easily defined stereotypes of bdsmers. They get dramatically offended when their dominance is questioned or when not referred to in what they consider the proper way. Rather than let their actions speak for them, they defend their self conceived notion of dominance with a list of what they have done, how long they have been dominant, what they've read and who they know.

There is a second group of people that feel their dominance or submission is a part of them and they feel no need to advertise it. It is as much a part of them as breathing. Obviously I consider myself in the latter camp.

I'm not going to raise the flag of D/s unity or say we should all get along, I tend to stick to myself and my life. If you're not in it it doesn't concern me how you live your own. I don't consider myself part of any community in D/s or in any other part of my life. What's important to me are my friends, my family and my romantic interests. I do have to say that I find it disheartening when someone drawns the wagons around themselves on D/s and grows protective of those they don't know. I don't advertise who I am. I wear what's comfortable and you could never identify any of my tastes or interests by what I do for a living, what I wear or the friends I surround myself with. Because of this I've been accused of not being submissive enough. Because I don't look mean I'm accused of being weak. When I go to shows I've been called a poser because I wash my clothes, don't shop at Hot Topic or have any tattoos. Why do people make such an effort to conform and live out a stereotype?



Back on the subject...I say all this because of an incident that took place recently that reminded me of something that happened many years ago. I'll start there.



I'd been interested in D/s since I was a child and began looking into it when I first left home. I'd been involved in it for years but didn't devote most of my social life to it. I participated once in a while but wasn't steadily active in it. Because of that I lost touch with many of those "in the scene", something I subconsciously meant to do because most of them were prime examples of the first camp and we didn't have much in common, D/s or not. I still wanted to get back into the D/s scene so, years after I lost touch I attended a munch for those looking into dominance and submission.

It was casual, a group of people meeting at a food court and, taking a chair, I sat next to a woman close to my age. We struck up a conversation and she told me she was a submissive into infantilism, even going so far as to show me the diapers she wore. I was also in her master's seat. When I asked if he had gotten up she told me he hadn't arrived yet.

Though I thought the idea of "saving" seats went out of fashion in Kindergarten, I told her I would move if he showed up as there weren't any other chairs.

He showed up half an hour later, a scrawny, mean looking man a few years younger than I and half the size of his submissive. I stood to let him have the seat and introduced myself. When I gave my actual name he gave me a strange look, "What's your submissive name?"



I didn't know we were supposed to have secret identities. Is there a code word or secret handshake I'm missing out on too?



I repeated my name and asked his. "Sir," he said.

"No really," I smiled. "What's your name?"

He looked stunned. "Sir. You're a submissive. I'm a master. You should address me with respect."
Irritated, I laughed it off. "First, I'm not gay and I'm not your submissive so why don't you tell me your name?"

He brushed me off, as if he was insulted and I spent the rest of the munch hearing him fume in anger. I'm sure if I was not a foot taller and didn't have at least forty pounds on him he would have gotten physical. As it were, he had to subdue his ire at a submissive speaking to him in such a way.



Weeks ago I posted an ad looking for a dominant woman. I got few responses and, since I placed it mainly in fun, I quickly forgot about it. I wrote it with the idea that I would want her to be more than a mistress. Possibly a ~girlfriend~ as well?! With that in mind, I gave some ideas of what I was looking for in a woman as well as a mistress. Since I'm very active and work to keep myself healthy I requested a non-smoker.

Today I got a response:

For a submissive man, you certainly have a lot of rules about what your ideal dominant woman should be. I am a Domme. I smoke cigarettes, and I don't drink or get high. I know that I am dominant, and being so, I also know that it is not my sub's place to tell me how to act. It is his place to accept me as I am, and to conform. Being submissive means relinquishing control, and your email is one of the most controlling emails I have read in a very, very long time. I know exactly what I want in a submissive man, and reading your post, honey, you are the farthest thing from it.

You need to get a grip or loosen it. Whatever it is, you need to rethink your role.

My response:

I wrote that post not because I want to control or make demands of a domme but so I could find a compatible woman to serve. I know the type of person I can spend time with and what I need in a relationship rather than just play. I'm looking for someone I can grow close to and I couldn't do that with someone that smokes or gets so defensive. Therefore, my post worked out just fine, weeding out those I'm not compatible and would never want to meet. Namely you- honey.

She again writes:

There is a great new book I just bought called "The New Topping Book" by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. It was originally published in 1994, and this is the newest edition, published after "The Bottoming Book" became such a huge success. It's a great book and describes scenes, safe words, BDSM, S&M, Role Play, Respecting Limits, Ethics, Consent. I already know who I am and what I want, but am always willing to learn and grow. Just thought I'd pass it on as you seem highly intelligent. I didn't mean to insult you, but for a bottom, you seemed a little too demanding for my tastes.

I suppose I am more extreme than you are, and expect my sub to defer to me. I have had slaves and I have had submissive men in my enclave. I prefer subs to slaves as slaves are far too time consuming, mentally and emotionally draining.

Clearly we are looking for different things, and that is what makes the world a beautiful place!

I wish you the very best in your search.

J.

Mine:

You "don't mean to insult" me but in the very next sentence you brag about how more extreme you are yet you know absolutely nothing about me. You meant to insult me. Both letters were condescending and blatantly rude. At least be honest about it.
The fact that you get the blueprint for how to be dominant from a series of books is questionable. Is there some study to being a Master or Mistress? Do they offer it as a major in college or even a summer program at the Y? What is what is not things a dominant should do or say? I'm glad you spent time studying these books to make you feel more dominant. If you truly were so you'd know exactly how to act and not have to learn it from a book so you can play at the role.
Submissives do not defer to mistresses just because they claim themselves to be "dominant." That title is about as worthy as a college diploma won in a cracker jack box. There is no school of thought, or rules you should have to follow to describe yourself as dominant or submissve. I expect you to doubt this because you have spent much time and wasted a lot of money on books that suppose to tell you what being dominant is all about.
I could have saved you all that money- if you are dominant you know how to act. You don't have to read about it in books written by someone no more credible in the subject as George Bush is in diplomacy. Read books on scene safety and perhaps erotica but a guidebook on how to be dominant? Drivel.
I do not know you. I do not want to know you. From our short correspondence I know you would not be anyone I would want to even pass by on the street if I could avoid it. I would only "defer" to a woman that has earned by trust, respect and service, not some stranger that sent away for books on how to be a domme.
Perhaps if you realized your errors you would have more luck finding a sub but then, they don't teach that in books.

Finished.

She wrote back, seemingly shocked that I was so angry and is, in fact still writing to me despite my explaining it to her why I found her rude and had no desire to talk further with her.

Now I know why I stayed away from the D/s sceners all those years ago.

Subspace and the Road Back

It's difficult to recount the feeling of subspace after it has passed. When you're truly deep within it, especially when you have been away for so long and sexually needy, it is heady. You forget all else; time, the outside world, even yourself. This time I was deep, perhaps deeper than I had ever been. Definitely deeper than I have been for some time. I needed it desperately and it was liberating. I felt weightless, my head rolled. I couldn't speak, could barely think.

I "met" a woman. I say met though that's not exactly true. She is dominant and we are both cautious and overeager to progress. Being the decisionmaker, as well as an expert tease, she has decided we won't meet for months- until possibly November!

Since we first made contact we've been on the phone for hours almost every day. We both have busy schedules without out professional and social lives taking up most of our time so we are doing our best to find time to fit each other in. This makes it all the more difficult as the more we're apart, the more I find myself thinking of her. Like Pavlov's dog I physically react when the phone rings and I see it's her. Early on she made the distinction between us- she is in charge while I am there for her pleasure.

She is evil in this too. I've never gone all out and admitted to myself that I like some things I do, much less confess them to someone else yet she has drawn them out. She shares the same desires I do and has no reservations about forcing them on me.

Though I've accepted my submission, there are still parts of it I'm ashamed of. I feel like less of a man when I humble myself to someone. I yearn for such humiliating acts like kissing her ass and I secretly love the idea of doing all these things while others watch. Guess what she has in mind?

At my suggestion I've kept myself chaste. She did not ask for it and rarely even mentions it but it puts me in the right mindset. I become very needy, very suggestible and very slutty. There are times when I can only think of my cock for hours. As you can imagine it impedes my day.

That was the state I was in yesterday. Often I bring myself off while speaking with her and following her directions. I normally have very intense orgasms that leave me drained and unable to move but when I go without as I have and especially when I consider nothing but sex, they are even more so.

She enjoys that I am a frequent masturbator and encourages this side of me. She loves hearing me come and loves drawing it out. Speaking with her I am kept on the edge for what seems like forever. So deep am I that I begin to unknowingly cry. I sob at the pitiful nature of it all. I am a grown man; attractive, smart with a lot going for me but I remain controlled by my urges and debase myself in such a way.

I live for such moments. The combined shame, need and bare lust puts me in a sleep. I feel groggy and useless. Even as a sub in a committed relationship I found it hard to get into "subspace" but there was no way else to describe it. I liken it to a woman unable to describe her first orgasm after years of trying. I have been there before but never so greatly. I was weeping helplessly, my cock painfully hard, my balls aching from the disappointing teases they suffered so often lately.

It is over and I am slowly coming to. My body awakens slowly, my mind then joints then my head. My muscles feel damp as if made of cement. My cock is useless and will be for a while. I feel renewed.

The Allure of Cuckolding

I have a larger list of festishes than most people. I may become desperately aroused at the idea of humiliation one day and enjoy something else the next. Most of my fascinations last a week or more before I put them back on my mental shelf to be used next time I feel the calling. Some, like femdom and spanking, are used considerably more than most.

One that surprised me is the idea of being cuckolded. I say surprises me because:

1) I would never want that to happen in real life nor would I allow it. If it happened without my consent it would be over between my girlfriend or wife.

2) I have been the other man more than a few times in the past. While I was involved just for the sex, I took a perverse knowledge of "Being with another man's woman." The last woman I did this with would always talk about her boyfriend and how he never made her happy or would do stupid things. I liked knowing I could give her what he couldn't.

3) I'm not the typical type that appears in cuckold fantasies. I'm not wimpy, spineless or weak. I'm very much the opposite.

Despite all this, I like the idea of being a cuckold. Watching it happen does nothing for me, nor does assisting in any way and the racial connotations ruin it for me (politics and porn don't mix. I don't even like fan fiction). I think it's is the femdom aspect of it. A woman that is so free to do what is so taboo must be in charge, right? A man that allows it is obviously secondary in the relationship.

In a past relationship I dated a very independent woman that wanted to see me and cared for me but didn't want to be exclusive to me. While she had no problem with me seeing other women- in fact she encouraged it and we ended up swapping stories- she would not be monogamous to me or any other man. She thought the idea of monogamy to be outdated. I agreed with her and still do. In my current relationship I'm monogamous though we have both discussed bringing someone else in. I'm encouraging her to take someone else though I know it would be much harder, near impossible, for her to see me with someone else. I wouldn't want to see her with someone else for the submissive aspect, that isn't there between us, but she's very sexually adventurous and likes the idea of a threesome or more.

Cuckolding is much more common than we're aware of, that much I know. It's rare to find a woman that hasn't cuckolded a man at some point in her life. It goes against all of society's dictates, which is why I find it so surprising to see it as the new trendy fetish- there was even a long article about in GQ about a group of bulls that attend parties where they sleep with the wives of bored suburban couples.

Real Men Go Downtown

It is a form of adoration; a way to prostrate yourself to the woman you hold higher than life itself and oral worship is a display of your feelings. Truly, anyone looking at the act would quickly determine who is the greater and who is the lesser between the two merely by their positions.

The man beneath her, reverently kissing her sex while on his knees is a submissive act by definition. He receives no pleasure other than the pure satisfaction of serving his woman. Her juices drench him.

Being so close to a woman intimidates some men. It is the seat of their power and feminity. Some rightly call into question their male alpha status after feasting on her center. What man can be certain of his masculinity when his lips touch her in such a way?

That is what defines a real man; he is confident in himself and doesn't feel threatened by the power of feminity. He is proud to serve her in such a way. When he kneels before her he's reverent and knows the time he worships his woman is sacred. It makes him a better man and he uses the moment to bond with the woman as only a man can.

Through such adoration does he finally become a man. True men know the satisfaction that only comes from worshipping his woman in such a way is greater than any physical pleasure he can feel. It's the essence of female superiority and defines who he is as a man as well as a submissive.

Done correctly pussy worship may leave a woman tingling and breathless from climax but it brings the male an even greater sense of peace and serenity that can't be found by any other means.